Moving On and Up

The other day at work (I coach gymnastics) I was watching my girls practice their floor routines and on one of our breaks the most disturbing thought came to my mind. This is what literally ran through my mind, "I wish I could do it over again and do my best and be better." (I was thinking about how I wish I could go back and redo my gymnastics career and be better than I was and not give into my mental blocks, distractions, unhealthy and stupid choices and at times laziness and just be my best. I was wishing I could see if I really could get a college scholarship or something better.) 

After I thought this, I was so mad at myself. I couldn't believe it. Then, that thought extended to all the other aspects of my life on my drive home that night. This was far from just about my gymnastics career. This was so much more than that I came to realize. Who was I? What was I doing? Where am I going? When did all of this happen without me knowing? (Or did I know and ignore the fact that I was letting my life veer so far off the amazing tracks I had set up for myself. The tracks with my clear-cut goals, dreams, passions and ambitions.) 
I felt lost and confused and unsure, sad and frustrated. 
Sadly, again, I think I did know and chose to ignore it for one reason or another. In return, it kept getting worse and worse and worse. I think I let my fears, other people's opinions and thoughts, and my uncertainty run my life by the time college came around. But here I am now, 22 years old, a junior in college, and living a truly blessed life. I don't have anything to complain about whatsoever. All I have are lucky stars that I need to be thanking everyday. The only one I have to blame for where I am and what I've done is myself. I feel like I hit the biggest brick wall, and my eyes are now open so wide. When we come to these crisis situations, or have these thoughts come to mind, we all have a choice to make. I've made mine - I’m done. 

I'm done feeling bad for myself at times, done feeling bad in general. I’m done feeling sad about things that, in all actually, shouldn’t be sad at all. Done complaining, done being negative about things and certain situations. I’m done being naive, passive, afraid, worried. I’m done worrying about things that I can’t control. I’m done being unrealistic and living in a fantasy world. I'm done sitting around waiting.

I’m done giving my time and heart, my soul, my life to others that are just going to take it for granted, and not appreciate it. I'm done giving into people's sorry, pathetic excuses. I'm done dealing with selfish, inconsiderate, rude, stubborn acts all the way around. I'm done with people not taking responsibility for their actions. I’m done turning the other way in pretending to not see things I’ve already seen. I’m done pretending. Pretending everything is OK, happy, cheerful; when it’s not. 

I'm done looking back. I'm done thinking: 'Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda'. I’m done running in circles. Done getting myself nowhere and done thinking that it’s OK. I'm done being lazy at times. I’m done living my life second, putting it on hold, putting it in the backseat. I’m ready to start living my life to the fullest, like I used to.

How did I get myself in this deep hole?
Actually, it really doesn’t matter...

I'm ready to forgive myself completely, learn for my mistakes and truly find myself. 
I’m moving on and up.
Feel bad, move on - like my Dad always says to us.
I’m a strong individual who has more dreams, goals, aspirations - love - to give than I know what to do with. It’s time to start seeing and living up to my potential. 
It’s time I opened my mind, eyes, arms, and my heart fully to my life and to those who truly want to be in it.
Life is so beautiful, so extraordinary and breathtaking and holds more capacity - room for growth, learning, achieving - more love than I can even begin to imagine. I’m going to try and grasp as much as I can. Let life take my breath away.

I think we all could worry and fear a little less, and embrace and hope a little more. Perhaps complain less, talk less, judge less, hate less and instead, say more, understand more, be ourselves more, stand on our own two feet more, look on the bright side more and always love as much as you can.
I'm diving in headfirst, I'm fearless and life is bliss.

"Every passing minute is a another chance to turn it all around." Vanilla Sky 
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me"."
Erma Bombeck 
Do what you LOVE. LOVE what you do.

"Live with PASSION. Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart. PURSUE them." Michael Nolan
“I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need, that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been.Art Hoppe
Life's an attitude and we should all have a good one!

"Well behaved women rarely make history."
"Veni, vidi, vici" I came. I saw. I conquered. 
Take a deep breath, and go....
Don't give up on anything. Don't ever give up! 
Love always,