Being an Alum.

The President of Akron read Dr. Seuss' 'Oh The Places You'll Go" in his address at graduation - which is beyond perfect because that's my favorite little book. I got two copies of the book when I graduated high school from a friend and a teacher. It's so wonderful.

The opening is just that:

"Congratulations! Today is your day! You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!"

"Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest."

"And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) Kid you'll move mountains!"

At times, I looked back at what my college career was turning into and I used to get super sad...kinda mad...and then needed to get another grip because it was what it was...and I created it. I switched majors, switched schools, switched my thinking process. But I guess - who doesn't?

In the end, there is no need to head down that dead end road anymore. Akron was the best school for me, I worked my tail off and I graduated Summa Cum Laude in a major that I feel in love with. I met some amazing people and got into classes that were taught by people who blew my mind every lecture. Akron holds some pretty phenomenal professors - some who've changed my life. What is better then any of that?

Being at Akron taught me that overloading myself every single semester to the point of breaking down and burning out all the time is a big no, no in life. When you're tired or have way too much on your plate - you need to listen to yourself and take a step back to refocus and recharge - not keep wearing yourself so thin everyday. At times, that only got me further behind. 

At Akron, I also learned to just enjoy the here and now.

To enjoy myself. These days are the ones I'll be calling the "good old days" that I'll miss in some days ahead. 

Akron taught me to devote myself to what I want - my ideas - and to go get it and make it happen.

I learned that it's OK to not always get a 100% on something, to not always say the right answer, to not always be..."perfect".

It's apart of life to struggle and have fears and I learned to not be afraid to struggle on my goals and dreams - and to overcome my fears.

I learned that when you let go of all the tension and pressure you place on yourself and certain situations - and just smile - things will happen even better then you planned so hard for. 

Believing in myself, however, was the greatest thing that I really gained at Akron. 

And now, I am a proud Alum.

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

I believe:

"It's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

Always remember who you really are.

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

Today I felt happiness from the tips of my toes that spouted out the top of my head. 

I learned today that happiness certainly isn't something that can be found. 

No, that's just silly.

Happiness is a choice. Happiness is something we create. 

Happiness is a feeling.

Happiness is me. 

(Photo by me)

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

You can't force things. 
If I'm not feeling it, that means it's time to take a break.
When my creative juices are diminishing to nothing, and I feel the flow slow down everyday - it's a scary feeling. 
But I've been learning that it means you must let go to whatever it is that's draining you and recharge, refocus, reinvent.

(Photo by me)

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

I've just got to remember...

"Good things come to those who wait...

But GREATER things come to those who are willing to work for it."

Unknown

AMEN!

Source of photo: unknown

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

"If you look after goodness and truth, beauty will take care of itself."

Eric Gill

"Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have."

Doris Mortman

"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before."

Edwin Elliot

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

Sometimes, it's perfectly fine 
if all I did today was breathe. 

Remember that, Morgan. 

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

You can't speak for anyone else but yourself. All situations are different and everyone is different. 

Doing anything and trying to live your own life is hard when you're always on other people's time. 

No one can save you. You must save yourself. 

I think to truly find ourselves, we have to really lose ourselves first.

"Everyone is fighting their own battle. To be free from their past. To live in their present. And to create their future. 

So have heart."

BElieve in YOUrself. 

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

If you don't have your health, you don't have much...if anything.

"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship." Buddha

I really enjoy having deep intellectual talks, debates, and conversations. 

There is a time to be selfish and a time not to be. I am learning to not be so selfish all the time. 

"Everything in moderation, including moderation." Julia Child

"It's not about the writing. It's about the feelings behind the words." Takayuki Ikkaku

I should never expect or assume. 

I shouldn't ever: get anxious, jealous.

I should just go with the flow.

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

It's hard to be happy sometimes because I can't let go of things that make me sad...

One of the best things to have is confidence.

I just want to do extraordinary things, and create beautiful things - even if no one else cares. 

It doesn't really matter how slow you go, just so long as you never stop.

"If you spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you've learned how to live." (Lin Yutang)

It's okay not to be perfect...it's okay not to be perfect...it's okay not to be perfect...

(Like I said, I'm learning this. I have far to go still...far indeed.)

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

With the time flying by and the days filled to the brim with things that 'must' get done - work, school, "things that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday", good mood, bad mood, struggling or wonderful - I've been learning that at the end of the day, the true ones will always be there, no matter what. You have to believe that - and be that too.

The true ones, or I like to call them family, not just blood family, but what some people call "best friends". I have this really amazing, big, family. My best friends are my family and my family - they're my best friends. 

"True friendship is seen through the heart not through the eyes."
Robert E. Lee

"Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or to keep one."

James F. Byrnes

"Friendship without self-interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life."

"You never have to explain, your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."

I'm learning that:

Things are simple, understood and comfortable. 

Nothing is forced.

Things are may get rocky, but we're all human. 

Realize your wrongs, fix them.

Things become smooth again soon because forgiveness is the the first order of business.

Distance is never a factor, or a lapse in time for that matter.

Who cares, that's life. 

It's real when that kind of thing is understood and when united again, you haven't skipped a beat. 

Thank you friends for being mine, understanding and being there above all.

 I couldn't ask for a better family.

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Motivation Monday

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.

It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances,

than failure, than success, than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.

It will make or break a company...

A church...A home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. 

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

And so it is with you, we are in charge of our attitudes."

C.R. Swindoll

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

This might have just changed everything.

Yep...it did.

Oh, and this:

"Stop doing things out of obligation. If you're working relentlessly out of guilt or self-inflicted obligation, stop immediately. If you think maybe you're working relentlessly because of guilt or self-inflicted obligation but aren't quite sure, stop immediately. The actions that fill your days should come out of health, joy, love, peace, and heart. If you've lost your passion, drop everything, and for the love of God: go find it."

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

The thoughts and dreams that keep coming back into your mind are real. I think they're meant to be.

"Beloved, gaze into thine own heart, the Holy Three is growing there."

Being barefoot is beautiful and it's one of my favorites. 

Slow and STEADY certainly does win the race. Out of control, frantic, unsure and clingy does not.

Nothing beats honesty. Nothing.

The youth in me thrives. The things I thought, believed and held near and dear to my heart when I was 6,7,8...18 are still as true as can be to me. 

Lastly, something I am sitting her sucking in right now - something I should have always kept in my mind to never forget (just from being away at college, etc.): no matter how bad things seem, no matter what's going on, what you think at a certain point or what someone else's thinks at the same point, where you want to go or do - home is the most amazing place on Earth. I'm now away from home for a week, with a few exceptions, due to a job I agreed to doing a month ago. But I would give anything to be home instead. Bottom line, I'm learning to never take being home for granted, to never take the blessings I feel and get from being home for granted, and to NEVER take my family for granted. 

(Photo by me)

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Things I've Been Learning Lately:

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 

It's sad when people you know become people you once knew. But at the same time, I'm not forcing anything to keep something alive. Nothing should be forced.

I'm learning to be grateful for different perspectives. Everyone is different and has their own special voice and opinion - and when used correctly holds immense power to learn, grow and move forward. 

I've really been learning that if you hold back feelings because you're afraid of getting hurt, or hurting the other person, you'll end up hurting anyways and nothing can be solved. 

Lastly, I've been taking mental notes of the older couples I see. I'm trying to have myself always remember to not take growing older for granted or regretting it. Especially growing older with someone because it's a blessing denied to many people. I'm still in slight shock that I am actually 22 years old now. And all of high school I remember literally complaining that I never wanted to grow up. So, I've been learning to enjoy every minute of my life as best I can because I'm on the greatest journey, the greatest ADVENTURE of them all - LIFE, and I cannot fight the inevitable. I can only embrace and enjoy it. 

(The other day I was out running errands, and while pulling into a parking lot, I saw an old man and his wife walking to their car. The old man stepped up on a curb and fell in a mulch bed. He was laying on his side and his wife was trying to pull him up but she couldn't. In no time flat, a passerby saw what was going on and ran to help (thank goodness), but true to my nature, I started to tear up at what I had just seen because I thought it was so sad. Luckily, I saw the couple continue to their car and it seemed like everything was alright. But what has been staying with me is the fact that this man couldn't help it. And someday I'll hopefully be that old. And stand up after wiping out in a parking lot with a smile like he did. Things happen, we get old and our bodies get weak - but we're alive and if nothing else, that is worth a heartfelt smile.)

Love always,

Mo

XOXO

Last Thing.

Today is Monday.

I slept in, had some toast for breakfast and went to call you to say hi.

No answer.

I watched a movie. 

I laughed. I almost cried. I thought of you.
I went to school.
I thought of you a lot.

I looked beside me for you, but I was alone.

I tried to call you again.

No answer. 

I miss you, but where are you?


So I write. I begin to do the one thing that truly come natural to me.
I just start to write.
I write to you, like I always do.
I have always thought, and believed, that love is the greatest thing anyone can experience and live in. 

Falling in love is amazing, and falling in love with you is still the greatest memory I hold. 

Being in love with you on the other hand, I feel, will always be the greatest feeling I will ever feel. 

I know I am a little more on the sensitive side than most people. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve and spill my heart out so much more than most people. You know this. And while I have caught myself saying, “I wish I didn’t care so much”, or “I wish things wouldn’t get to me so much”, or with the feeling that I wish I knew how to put myself first, even before my loved ones, in certain situations. 

The fact is, I can’t. I don’t know how to not care so much. I don't know how to put myself first. I don’t know how to not let certain things get to me like they do. They’re obviously getting to me for a reason, which is, I care about the matter very deeply. 

The bottom line is, it’s who I am. 

You know I love you. I feel I’ve loved you forever. 

Lately, though, I haven’t been myself.

Lately, I haven't been feeling very well. 

And when I say lately, what I really mean is for quite some time now. 

Truth be told - I am nothing short of completely wiped out. 

I miss you with every beat of my heart. 

You're my home. 

I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything in the world. 

You’re, without a doubt, my most f a v o r i t e thing about life.

___________

But something is off. Something is not quite right. 

No matter how hard I try to fight the feeling off, I’m left with the feeling that something has got to give. 

I have no idea what to do or how to do it, but I know we have to do something. 

If we don’t, I’m afraid we'll self-destruct and all we are will be broken.

I am an emotional, frantic train wreck. 
I'm a mess.

There. I said it. I admit it.

I have literally gone off the deep end. 

I'm anxious and crazy and nervous and sad and uncertain and haunted and lost.

I think I've pin pointed it.

Maybe not to the tee, but I think I've got the majority of it down.

At the end of the day, it's not just me and you and an unraveling of daily happenings, nitty-gritty details, secrets spilled, stories told, happiness spoken, sadness felt, goals pursued, tomorrow's conquests starting to unfold.

It's not a completely raw and a completely open relationship.

And, because of that, I am uneasy and not at rest. 

There are things you keep from me.

Things you never open your mouth to tell me.

Things you purposefully keep - some mistakenly.

There are things you sugar coat.

Things you fib about - things have gone on behind my back.

I've often been completely baffled, up until now, of why I would meet, see, get to know or think about couples who are so comfortable around one another. 

So at peace, so happy, so confident, so in love.

And while my love for you, I am certain, surpasses anyone who has ever lived - I couldn't understand why I was not completely at peace, confident...at ease.

Deep down, however, I know what's going on. 

I find myself anxious, lacking self-confidence, bitter, frantic, at war constantly with myself and over our relationship because I never know exactly what is wrong, what to do, where to turn, what to say. 

What's worse is I've tried on numerous occasions to set things straight.
You know this. You may also be very annoyed by this.

But I'm still always looking for answers, assuming all the time - and Lord knows that makes things 100 times worse.

I'm still finding things out from other sources.

Some I find, others come upon me. 

Either way, I can't take finding things out, no matter how big or small, from second hand sources anymore. 

I can't believe even half the stuff I've swept under the rug for so long.

I had to know it would eventually eat me alive, self-destruct me and make everything explode in my face - just to keep you.

I find myself thinking of you all the time.
Yeah, you're right. That's nothing new.
But actually, it is.
I think about you all the time and all the mess that's going on in my head and sometimes, instead floating on cloud 9 with butterflies in my stomach that make me smile uncontrollably like I usually do with you-
I'm pissed off sometimes. Feeling walked on sometimes. Feeling taken for granted sometimes.
Not appreciated. Ignored.
Thrown in the back seat - bitter.

Feeling like a love sick f o o l.

Maybe you had an idea that I was feeling this way, maybe not.
But this is how I am feeling.

I'm stuck between and rock and a hard place because I don't want to force anything either but I feel that's how I am acting half to time.
Nothing should be forced.

______________

I'm sick of talking the talk. I hate it.

I don't want to talk and write about the stuff we want to do, I want to do it.

I want to do them with you. I want to feel them. I want the absolute most real thing that is out there.

I hate being the one who has to wait.
I hate never being able to get ahold of you.
I hate bad communication.
I hate wondering.
I hate making excuses for you and us. 

I hate being the one who's always wanting and wishing for something to be said, something to happen.
I hate waiting for a call. Waiting for fairness and our efforts to be equal. 

I hate always assuming.

I hate finding out things that drive me to complete devastation. 


That's not what soul mates are.

That's not what soul mates do.

That's not what love is.

Not at all. 

________________

And please forgive me here, but sometimes I feel like you're so wrapped up in your own life that you forget about all the things and people you're supposed to actually care about and love or about the things that make you, you.
When you're gone, we miss you like absolute crazy.
You have no idea how much love we have for you.

But maybe I've got it wrong.
But I can't wait anymore - I can't be like this anymore. I know I've been a lost soul for sometime now, and I know I am still learning and feeling my way - so my future is a little unclear right now. But one thing that has always been certain about it, without a doubt, is I want nothing more than for you to be in it and by my side, loving me, forever.

You know this.

______________

No more enabling. No more sugar coating. No more being naive and running scared.

I'm not going there anymore. 

I'm saving myself. Sticking up for myself.

I'm trying to save us. Sticking up for us. 

But 'us' is a 2-way street. Something I don't think we've ever really had.

I don't want to come second anymore - to anything or anyone.

I just want us to make ourselves the greatest love possible.

The most magnificent love.

No more trust issues. I can't do that anymore.
They say that trust is like a piece of paper and once it's bent and crumbled up you can never get it perfectly straight again. 

I guess ultimately this is what I am trying to say: I want you, all of you – forever. 

While I’d like to add on, as I have done so many times before with “no matter what”, I cannot keep fooling the situation with that thought anymore. 

I am realizing I am at this place in my life now where I want to be independent, move, get on with my life. I don’t want to rely on anyone else other than me, myself…and you. 

Do you see what I am saying? 

I am ready to move on to bigger, better, more exciting things in my life. 

OUR life. 
Yes, I know we still have a few months until any plans are in motion, but -

I want us to be on our own – taking on the world together and being a force to be reckoned with. 
I'm not saying anything incredibly serious now. I'm not looking for titles, just sincerely committed to each others lives.
 Each other's #1 fans.


It's you and me and no one else.

Love is real. Love is raw and so deep.
It's the inner most thing in our soul - and when it's fake, taken for granted, unfaithful, untruthful...
That's when our hearts aren't whole.
And I am not living with anything less than a whole heart.

We need excitement and surprise and passion back.
We need us back.
I know it's hard living a distance relationship life, but you and I just growing up.
Please don't think I am saying this is all on you, or all your fault.
It's both of us, and I need your help so bad.
I know I need to, once and for all, let the past be the past - but sometimes I don't feel like the past is the past - but still haunting me today.

I know you always tell me not to worry, and I worry too much, and it will all be OK, and I have nothing to worry about.

But then little things will just keep happening. 

Can we get a new piece of paper?
Maybe I'm a helpless love nut.
But this is how I feel.
I love you and that's the truth.

Loving you always,

Mo

XOXO

My Confessional:

"I guess you really did it this time,

Left yourself in your warpath.

Lost your balance on a tightrope.

Lost your mind trying to get it back..."

Question: 

When people ask you: "What's wrong?", and this time there really is something wrong but you don't know what to say without sounding tongue tied, have you ever ultimately just wanted to stand up and scream: "EVERYTHING!!"?

But, instead, you settle for a fake smile and a "nothing".
Or sometimes, smirk and lightly shake your head to send the signal of 'nothing', without saying anything at all. 
Usually when I don't say anything at all is the time when I want to say something the most. 
But putting on a smile is easier than talking when you don't want to.


I'm a mind of such great complexity and I write because there is a voice inside me that will not stay still. 
It's an overpopulated place.
More and more I am finding that I'm not who I used to be just a short time ago. 
I find myself questioning mostly everything and everyone and not believing their words. 
I don't want to say that deep down I've become somewhat cynical to humanity, but it wouldn't be far off. 


A lot of times, in these past few years, I always keep falling back to confusion. Sometimes, I’m lost in this world, and to be completely honest, sometimes I don’t have the slightest idea of where I’m going, what I’m doing, and or who I am anymore.

Why do I always make the same mistakes?
The mistake to listen to people with shallow, vein, uneducated, empty minds.
Why does the thought of closed minded people make my blood boil?
Why can't I always listen to myself?
Why do I let the dark side of this world get to me?

I wish I knew how to make these feelings stop. 


It's like this:
I see all of this spark in certain people's eyes, this deep down passion.
I see all of this potential in people to make the world better, make their lives better.
We live in the 21st century people!
Currently, as I am breathing and writing my thoughts down like a mad woman, there lives some of the most talented, smartest, brilliant, most creative minds out there - with the most advanced devices that the world has ever seen...
And what else do I see?
People wasting it. Wasting it all.
Wasting their lives on petty things, being out of control lazy, complaining, giving up, not thinking things through, living off others, not taking responsibilities for their own lives and actions, making fun of others, hurting and even killing others for the most ridiculous things, selfishly wasting their own beautiful minds and God given talents, freedoms, and opportunities. 


What's the deal people?


People complain about our government - yet they didn't vote.
People voting sometimes don't even know what they are voting for. 
People spend money they don't have.
People live off the government and don't do anything to better themselves - live on their own. 
People cheat and cheat a lot. 
People lie and lie a lot. 
I find it so sad that people take love and walk all over it.

They take it for granted. They spit on it, swear at it, laugh at it.

They don't take it seriously. They cheat on it and are untruthful to it. 

They act like love isn't the most astounding, most magical miracle we can possess.

It just seems that more and more, day after day, people are caring less and less. 
I'm torn between the world of good and dreams and the world of darkness, greed and hate. 
I want to scream. I'm overwhelmed. There is so much at stake and so much to fight for. 
We live in a world with the most absurd 'normals' and the most judgmental people. 
Loving the same gender as you is immoral, being pretty is being thin, being thin is anorexic, being fat is lazy, naming calling like slut, whore, easy, sleazy, and fake is normal. You're nerdy with good grades, you're dumb with bad grades, what you wear is always judged and picked apart and scrutinized, people's thoughts and opinions are shut down, help is never there without something in return, manners seem to be falling by the wayside - and fast, communication skills have turned into rocket science to some, parenting is hardcore lacking and everywhere you turn 'you're not good enough'.
It's so sad and I've heard it said: it's hard to swim anywhere in such a shallow world. 
Yeah, it's really easy being brave, talking the talk, and judging from a distance.


 I've just noticed that there seems to be too much time spent wondering 'why am I not good enough'.
I am completely guilty of that, too. 
Hence, among other feelings, I don't know how to make this one stop. 


BUT WHATEVER!!!


I keep asking myself:
Do you remember what fearless left like?
Being completely out of your mind petrified and jumping anyways?


_____________________


I, I am of infinite worth!
And so is everyone else if they realize it.
I'm young and have the whole world at my finger tips. 
I'm done being paralyzed, caring about what shallow people think and scared for my life. 
This is no one else's life but mine and no one's opinion should matter anymore than my own. 
I'm done with empty promises and talking with no action. 


My advice: wear what you want, sing - and sing loud!
Dance everywhere.
Stop waiting for the weekend!
Stop waiting for the perfect opportunity.
Live it all now and live it proud. 
You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!
Open your mind to the world and educate yourself.
Form your own solid beliefs, opinions and goals - and stick to them. 
Don't be mean - there is absolutely no need for it!
Everyone is human, and for that fact alone, treat everyone with respect.


I didn't mean to generalize as much as I did here. 
Nor did I mean to toot my own horn, if that's the vibe you got. 
I am in no way shape or form perfect. But I am learning and all that I've just talked about is really crushing to see.
We all know that for as many 'crooked' people there are good.
And to them, hallelujah!


Up until now, I used to be upset by the fact that I didn't understand the motives and reasoning behind people and their actions. But now I see that my lack of normal humanity is what makes me great and true.
Those kind of people don't need to be in my life anyway. 


I'm taking this step up. 
I am hold myself to it. 
It's not easy, and to be honest, it hurts. But that's how I know I am doing the right thing - 
Because nothing good comes easy.


"It's alright, just wait and see. 
Your string of lights are still bright to me.
Who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent.
Today is never too late to be brand new..."
(Lyrics: Taylor Swift - Innocent)

Love always,

Mo

XOXO