This is not a moment of relief for me, either.
This is a moment of complete devastation where I am in utter shock that we are here - back here - again...
This is a joke. So is the accomplice.
Only difference is, I've never felt this alone, this scared, this angry, this sad, this betrayed, this lifeless.
You have no idea how much pain I am feeling right now and how much pain you've put me through.
Reality hit and I realized that I was just taking sweet, tender sips of nothingness from you.
I know empty promises will always wear.
I was just wasting time on your words.
And all I ever did was give you the forgiveness and chances back to back to back.
Yet, all I ever got was the feeling of massive let downs.
Things just kept getting worse and worse.
My precious, beautiful, love was ripped away from me. It is lost and it is broken.
My favorite thing about life is gone - selfishly - without my control.
And it breaks my heart every single time I think about where we are now. The only thing I am trying to shake now is how I am still missing you to complete death.
"You lost the love I loved the most."
But here we are. Nothing I can do anymore.
What scares me the most is that I let you go and I wonder if you'll come chasing after me.
I mean, you never begged me to stay. You've never really fought for me. How am I to know?
I don't know what to think anymore, about anything.
You're living a double life.
Aside from that, the worst feeling ever is now not believing in something that I thought was unquestionable.
"You used to shine so bright but I watched all of it fade..."
Thought you were stronger. Thought WE were stronger.
Thought you were better than that. Thought people looked up to you and believed in you.
I'll never forget when we loved effortlessly.
Just know that whatever happens next, whether your promise is kept this time or not, I will never be anything but grateful for having you in my life and for every second spent with you.
Although I keep tripping over my words and searching for the right ones, I just want you to know that I honestly tried my hardest every single day and gave you more than I had.
Forever xo.
